Is it so much to ask?

So here I am feeling lost once more. Is it so much to ask to feel like I belonged somewhere? To be wanted? Yet I remain essentially apart from all. I have a position in the palace, yes, and I love it! Yet, it is not family. It is not really belonging. I was so happy to be welcome in the knights camp; they were the closest thing I felt to family in all my life, and that is no more. Where else is there for me? I don't belong with the predators; I could never do that! I could never capture anyone. Nor do I enjoy fighting... I only fight to defend (or, to be honest, when someone gets my temper up, hehehe). No, there is no place for me, nor is there someone for me yet on the horizon.

There was one once who fought for me... he fought many, furiously and fearlessly, to have me, and to keep me. And in the end, he let me go for someone better. I don't blame him; the deal he was offered was a spectacular trade, anyone in his right mind would have accepted (heck, I would have accepted, if it was me!). Yet, I cannot help now but wonder what it would be like, to be wanted in that way. To be wanted so much that a man was willing to fight to the death to have me, against any and all comers... not just because I was there... not out of duty or honor.... not to have me as a hostage or for trade... but because he wanted me... me, for who I am, because he wanted me, and no other, at his side. And somewhere, in all that, make me want to stay.

~Lady Elysa~