Well... it is official now

As of Sunday, Jun 14, I am no longer Royal Scribe. It’s not like there was a lot to do on the official end... one staff meeting and a notecard or 2 a week, and the occasional audience, was about it, and I could have *easily* done that as well as my Magi studies. And... hello? The Magi are the learned ones, the ones who read and write and actively seek knowledge. Doesn’t it make *sense* that a Magi might be the scribe? But, apparently, loyalty, efficiency and a willingness to knock myself out for the palace, do indeed only come with the Citizen tag. I gave them *everything* 100%. I CARED, dammit. I tried to hold the palace and hell, even sometimes the whole country, together singlehandedly, because the people whose jobs it were to do that, weren’t freaking *there* ...oh, excuse me... they *were* there in Ireem... running around having fun on their alts. You know, if everyone who was supposed to be palace, would actually be there in the palace and around and about Ireem with their citizen tags and RP’ing and interacting as Palace members, the palace would not *be* the dead place it is. Nor would the "palace" be so completely separate from the rest of the population that not only do most people in Ireem have no clue what goes on in the palace (nothing, anyway), but there is absolutely no interaction between the palace and the rest of the country. I at least, the *only* one of *all* the members of the palace, was out and about, day and night, under *my own* name, interacting with others. I tried so hard. I was careful about my dress, my speech, my behavior, because everything I said and did reflected on the palace. No, I’m not perfect, and I had varying degrees of success in being a credit to the palace, but for God’s sake, at least I *tried!* And I kept my eye on things... I reported, to people who were never there, things I thought they should know, things that were happening outside the pretty palace walls, things that may or may not need action on an official level. In the absence of a harem mistress, I did my best to protect the harem ladies; I payed 1100 dinars out of my own pocket to save a harem lady at auction; I was capped by MasterJ himself trying to protect another harem lady and get her to safety. I really threw myself into the role, and took on the responsibilities, and knocked myself out trying to do what was right and best. You’d think that would have counted for something. But... apparently it didn’t mean anything, in the end.

Lord Kadar told me that they were probably doing me a favor, and I even knew at the time that he was right. There was a lot of stress, too many days I sat crying, too many nights I went to bed crying myself to sleep, or worrying so much about what was happening that sleep was impossible at all. But you know what? Yeah, maybe he’s right. Okay, I know he’s right. But... to know that everything I did, and everything I tried to do, counted for so little, that they could just throw me away like that.

~Lady Elysa