Is it so much to ask?

So here I am feeling lost once more. Is it so much to ask to feel like I belonged somewhere? To be wanted? Yet I remain essentially apart from all. I have a position in the palace, yes, and I love it! Yet, it is not family. It is not really belonging. I was so happy to be welcome in the knights camp; they were the closest thing I felt to family in all my life, and that is no more. Where else is there for me? I don't belong with the predators; I could never do that! I could never capture anyone. Nor do I enjoy fighting... I only fight to defend (or, to be honest, when someone gets my temper up, hehehe). No, there is no place for me, nor is there someone for me yet on the horizon.

There was one once who fought for me... he fought many, furiously and fearlessly, to have me, and to keep me. And in the end, he let me go for someone better. I don't blame him; the deal he was offered was a spectacular trade, anyone in his right mind would have accepted (heck, I would have accepted, if it was me!). Yet, I cannot help now but wonder what it would be like, to be wanted in that way. To be wanted so much that a man was willing to fight to the death to have me, against any and all comers... not just because I was there... not out of duty or honor.... not to have me as a hostage or for trade... but because he wanted me... me, for who I am, because he wanted me, and no other, at his side. And somewhere, in all that, make me want to stay.

~Lady Elysa~

Hearbreak

This morning, I fought for the safety of an injured knight. I fought Raiden. I fought Saiki. I fought Kitty. Then when he was safely back in camp, I stood alone on guard on the wall, watching for predators, while we waited for KCEE to come heal the injured knight and another who was ill. Only one other knight was there, taking care of the 2, while I stood guard.

Tonight, I was attacked by a knight in the knights camp, when I went there on official business for the Sultana. Attacked, with his sword, while mine was sheathed! It is so bad, I cannot write about it. But I will never go back. Nor will I ever again call on the knights to help me; I will live or die by my own chance, rather than call those who have treated me so. Damien himself did not hurt me so much as these knights; he, at least, hurt only my body. He, at least, did not pretend to have honor. But the knights...! My faith is so shaken. My heart broken. If I cannot believe the knights have honor, what is there left to believe in?

~Lady Elysa~

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

So in my efforts to stay out of trouble, a different kind of trouble found me... bored girls!!!! Yes, folks, there is nothing more dangerous than a bunch of girls who are just plain bored! so we went to the local stables and rented Slug Mounts (cheap by the hour) and for about an hour we zooomed all over the desert, having fun. I got this great photo, once we managed to get all our mounts to line up and hold still. Then Chris came, and tried to make us stop... he even took a couple of whacks at me with his sword while I was hovering over his head on BooBoo (my slug's name)... so mean! {{{pout}}} Then he told us that if we rode them into the city we would be put in the dungeon. Katlynn wanted to do it (just because) but I remembered I was supposed to be staying out of trouble, so I thought I'd better not. Chris kept wanting us to stop, but then I remembered that I was under physician's orders.... Kerri told me that I was supposed to ride and play and laugh as long as I wanted. See, after my ordeal with the undead I haven't been doing very well. It's like all the joy that was in me had disappeared... instead of being fearless and free like I was before, I'm always anxiously scanning for preds and always looking over my shoulder. Mostly too, I feel shy around people now, where I didn't before, and avoid crowded areas, sitting for hours out on my camel and watching things from afar. This is the first time I have laughed... really laughed, and felt the cares drop away from me... for days! So Kerri told me to go for it, and I did! I would have kept on, but then some preds came and got in a fight with each other, and then someone others started fighting, and all the fun went out of it, so I took BooBoo back to his stable and walked back to the palace.

So later, I was sitting out in the desert on my camel again, when the slavers got a new shipment of rum, and I was invited to the party to celebrate! I so wanted to go, but you know I've been trying to stay out of trouble, and I hesitated. But Chris said it was okay, and that he would be there too, so I went and had an absolute blast, dancing around the fire and giggling and watching the pirates (and Chris! hahahah!) stagger about, and dancing the night away with the slave girls! It was such a good time, and Raiden gave me this hat as a souvenir ;) It was such fun! I am keeping my pirate hat, under my bed, just for memories. Maybe I'll put it on my camel {{laugh}}

~Lady Elysa~

The Peace Camel

So yesterday, being free of the undead at last, I determined that I was going to stay completely out of trouble, and be oh! so good!! I was tired of trouble. However, that was not to be. In the auction area, someone kept trying to bump me out of the auction area, which was kinda fun for awhile, I do have to admit {{{grin}}} But after awhile, I accepted (after some consideration) an offer of escort from Shaka, who appeared not to be in one of his mad moods, and a slave girl who is Jaril's little sister. We were almost at the knights camp, where I was going for some practice in running, when some idiot slaver came by and decided to cap the slave girl... DUMB idea, helloooo? Jaril's sister???!!!! Shaka absolutely forbade him to attack, but the idiot guy spat out foul names and came at her. Well, you probably know me well enough by now to not be surprised that I sort of, um, got in his way, with my sword ;) The knights came and chased off dumb-dumb, and I went inside to eat. When I came out I stood chatting, again right outside the knights camp, with 2 knights, and several more there near the wall, when here comes dumb-dumb running up to attack me... with knights all around! Is he out of his freakin' mind? (oh, and I hear he's a bedu now. I wonder if Jaril chewed him into bitty slaver strips for attacking her lil sis)

Then a friend came and asked me to spar, and that sounded like fun, so we went off to the docks to the space there. We were just about to start when suddenly I saw Damien's wings nearby! We both ran for it, and decided to spar instead down on the sands below. We had a great spar match and we capped each other, which had us giggling like mad. We released each other and headed back up for the city to eat, when I saw Damien again. I shouted to RUN... he probably was not after us, but minding his own business (whatever that may be), but I wasn't taking any chances! but my friend was not safe in the city, and she ran for the auction area, and on the way there before she could eat, was attacked by this stupid new punk kid who attacks everybody on sight. I was soooo mad!

So then I decided to stay inside the city gates, and went to sit and do some palace business, writing in my scrolls for awhile on the stone block just inside the main gates. And I swear, people kept coming in and fighting all around me! What, am I a magnet or something? After the last few days, which were very stressful, I just wanted some peace, you know? But the palace was a little too peaceful, I wanted to be where I could keep an eye on happenings, but be far away enough to not be near it. I didn't want to see fighting, I didn't want to see my friends getting attacked, and even worse, I did not want to see my friends fighting friends. I was getting very depressed, and decided to find some place else to sit and watch from afar.

So I remembered my favorite camel, out by the well. No one mostly comes there, only those people who are already fighting, and they do not notice or bother me, and I can see all the way up to the castle gates! It is a nice spot, very peaceful, and the camel lets me sit for hours on him while I write, and watch. After a long, long time, Prince Paw spotted me, and katlynn also, and they came and joined me up on the camel. Then Derry came along and Starr, and they sat on my poor camel's head! I laughed so hard, and I took this picture to share :)

~Lady Elysa~

A noble sacrifice

It is finally ended. After a prolonged battle in the palace and gardens between Damien and the knights,the visiting Prince Mikk Graves from northern lands transformed into the most magnificent white dragon, roaring with white light. Damien left, but returned astride his black beast. In a stunning sacrifice (and against my pleas), Mikk offered himself in exchange for my freedom. However, all turned out well. Damien was too busy fighting off the entire kingdom (or so it seemed) down in the combs to do any harm to Mikk and finally sold the Prince at auction, where he was bought and freed by Lady Jordina.

So I am free, and free of any spell Damien had cast over me. I am back at my little desk in the palace, amongst my scrolls and busying myself once more in palace business that has gone unfinished for the last few days.

And if, in my heart of hearts, a small piece of me mourns, that is between myself and these pages.

~Lady Elysa~

outcast

There is no longer a place for me in Ireem, no place where I can belong. Damien does not give up so easily, although why he is so determined to have me, none know. Just for the mischief, I strongly suspect, and yet, he has ruined my life. Well, okay, let me be honest. Part of the blame is mine. I fought him instead of run the first time, because I was afraid for Jordi (who can probably take care of herself far better than I ever could). But all I could think was to try to draw Damien off, or at least distract him. And last night... well... he captured KCEE, then called to me from the combs to come to him for her freedom. It was my choice to go, and I made it. Right or wrong, it's just not in me to walk away, and besides, KCEE is so much more important than I! And I owe her so much, she is wonderful.

So here I am, belonging to Damien and caught between worlds. I cannot be undead... I am a GOOD person! I can't ever hurt anyone, or even be mean (well, unless I get mad, of course!), but it just is not my nature, just as I cannot walk away from someone in trouble. And although I can go into the catacombs now, they are cold and damp and comfortless. I am banned from the palace, which was the joy of my life to be a part of the goings on there. No one is angry with me, nor blame me, but until we know if I am under a spell of Damien's casting, I am not safe to be there, I could be a threat to the Sultana without knowing it. I don't blame them for not wanting to take chances with the Sultana's life, I don't want to take that chance either! But it is hard to be banned, although I still carry on my duties from afar. My other joy was practicing and training with the knights and being welcomed always so kindly. But now I am afraid to go to the knights' camp, for fear they too will feel me a danger and not want me there. And truly, I don't even want to see a knight, because I don't want to look into their faces and see... whatever I would see when they look at me, I am so ashamed.

So I sit on a high hill, and look out over the knights' camp, and the palace, where I used to be welcome and so happy! I don't know what will come to me. I know I can never accept being undead. And I am told that the undead do not keep prisoners. Yet Damien seems determined to own me for some reason. It could be he is just playing with me before killing me. But I feel like I am dying now, of loneliness and grief.

~Lady Elysa~

How can this be?

KCEE told me I was healed, and indeed I feel fully well and alive, just as I was before. And yet... there is a curious pull to Damien. I think about him constantly; I scan for him in fear, and yet I hope for him to appear. And when he does come, I want to go to him. Sometimes I swear, Damien whispers to me in my dreams, and I wake out, crying "No! No!" I tremble at the thought of him, yet something in me longs to be in his presence. Damien. Just to say his name is like magic. What is wrong with me? Is some trace of his poison still in my veins?
~Lady Elysa~

Gallant rescue

It's taken me some time to be able to write about this, so bear with me. I was captured by... Damien! Yes, I know, I should have run... and I did run! But Jordi came, and we cannot risk Jordi, and the baby, to the undead. So I turned and fought, and he captured me so fast! He took me down into the catacombs, what an awful place! cold and damp, and full of spiderwebs {{shudder} Then he congratulated me on being his 100th kill! I wondered why that was a cause for congratulations. I admit to hoping that meant he would free me. But not so, he took me upstairs, out into the auction area, and asked if I wanted to be sold at auction. There were many slavers standing around, and I begged him not to sell me to them, and he gave me the choice to be sold or to stay with him. Well...I know what my fate would probably be if I fell into the hands of slavers, and death seemed to me to be preferable. Then he took me back in the catacombs, but still he did not kill me. He seemed to be enjoying my fear as he made me follow him deep into the combs. He asked me again if I was sure, and I said yes, and awaited my fate. He seemed to ponder awhile, then took me up, and up, and outside once more, so that I was confused. Then I saw that he meant to kill me there, before everyone...so awful! And suddenly he turned and bit me, and I thought, "this is it" ...only then I was awake! and there was so much commotion, people screaming and my friend Kara crying, and I wondered why, because I was still alive. Only I felt so... so odd! There was a tingling numbness all through my body, and I could hear a strange deep thumping sound coming from all around me, almost like a heartbeat,but not mine! And something weird, too... suddenly I hated all slavers, with this terrible anger and rage. I went charging toward the slaver camp, I don't even know why, because I don't hate all slavers on sight, it was a very sudden, very violent mood from nowhere. But wolfie stopped me and would not let me go on, and I could not fight with dear indigo wolfie. She told me I was undead... undead!!! No!!! I ran back and attacked Damien in anger... useless of course. I suddenly thought, I thought if I flung myself from the cliffs, I would die. Silly of course, I was already dead, but I was so panicked and afraid, I was not thinking right. And there were so many people, and running and shouting, I was confused. Someone caught me as I fell, a bedu, I think, he caught me right out of the air and he tried to get me away from Damien and into the tunnels. There were so many people, all yelling and fighting and shouting at me to run, back into the caves. But Damien came and was fighting, so many people, I don't even remember. KCEE was there, and the strange bedu was fighting Damien, urging me to run, and my friend Kara trying to lead me through the tunnels, but every way I turned Damien was there, no matter which way I ran, until it was useless. Then he bit me again, and I think I fainted. When I awoke I was so cold... so numb and... different. And also, I felt this strange pull toward Damien. I both hated him and feared him... but he was the only one who could help me, who could explain what was happening to me. And even more than that, I wanted to go to him. And yet he was telling me that I would fight the knights... Never! Never! I would never fight the knights nor betray the Sultana. Finally he left, laughing, and I was left in the combs alone, except for Ari lying like asleep on a cold slab.

Later that evening I had wandered into the desert. I was so lost and scared, and didn't know what to do, or where to go. I wanted to stay far from my friends, because I remembered hearing the blood pulsing in their veins, the beat of their heart like a drum. I was afraid for them, and afraid for myself, for what I had become. When I returned to the combs, Prince Paw was waiting near the entrance, and as soon as he saw me, he attacked! I was heartbroken, that the knights whom I love and who have trained me and been so kind with me, must hunt me. I would not fight Paw, never, so I stood, waiting for my fate, and crying because he must hate me now. It was over in a moment, and he had captured me. Then he told me, so kindly! that I was under the undead spell and that I must follow him to KCEE to be healed. Oh! Healed! I almost didn't dare to hope as I followed Paw to the camp where the knights had gathered, and KCEE, and little blue wolfie too. They were so good to me, and KCEE began to cast a spell, the most wonderful thing I have ever seen, and wolfie added her magic to it as well. I remember beautiful stars and glowing lights, and the most incredible energy flowing through me, while the heavy, dark shadow seemed to drop away from me and I was filled with light. It seemed to go on forever and yet only a moment, at the same time. When the lights faded, KCEE was holding me close, and I was well. I could breathe again... deep breaths, feeling my lungs expand, taking in the warm welcome air of the desert, smell the sharp tang of the ocean breeze. I am alive again!

~Lady Elysa~

New harem girl

We have a new girl in the harem, a slave girl given to the Sultana by her Master. I feel so sorry for her, she is just devastated. It was heartbreaking to watch her cling to him, sobbing, and to watch his attempts to comfort her even as he let her go. Kaela and I took her upstairs and dried her tears, and let her bathe in the huge tub with the waterfall, and dressed her in sumptious silks, and offered her fruits, the best that Ireem had. And yet, when I look in those huge, sad eyes, overflowing with unconsolable grief, I know that all the silks and luxuries in the world cannot make up to this little slave girl for the loss of her beloved Master. My heart breaks for her.

~Lady Elysa~

Longings

Last evening a slaver who had chased me into the city, stayed to speak with me. He tried to beguile me from safety with talk of the confines of the palace, of freedom, of the sun rising over the slaver bay. And, heaven help me, I wanted to go! oh! not with the slaver... but his words woke in me a longing I scarcely knew existed. I don't remember my parents at all, but sometimes I think they must have been ... I don't know... bedu maybe, or perhaps some distant, foreign gypsy blood may run in my veins, because so many times I want to roam far and free, and this man's words opened the floodgates, I am so restless, pacing, and wanting to just run and run and run and never arrive at any destination. And I know that I cannot do that, I must live the life I have chosen. It is a good life, and I have been very happy. I know it is the right choice.

But oh! I wish I had kept running once I reached safety last night, and not stopped to listen.

~Lady Elysa~

I DID IT! I DID IT!

Yesterday was a first for me in my training. I came running from the city gate up the walk toward the knights camp. I jumped and hit the wall running, beyond the first circle, and ran all the way to the other side to the circle there, taking all 3 corners at a run without falling off!

So it's very silly to be so excited, I know, but those darn corners have been giving me so much trouble, and I've been trying so hard! Yayyyyyy!

~Lady Elysa~

The excitement continues

Well, I've had an exciting, fun-filled day! I almost got capped by Jaril this morning. I don't even know why! I was just standing by the city gate watching the slavers and the undead and the knights all fighting (I have no idea why, but everyone seemed to be fighting everyone, all over the place) and suddenly she came at me! I didn't even hesitate, but turned and ran for all I was worth! Better even Arian or Damien, than Jaril! Fortunately, a certain slaver I know {{{blush}}} told me just the day before, if I am being chased, to run in a straight line as much as possible. So that is just what I did, and managed to make it inside the city walls just in time! That was truly an escape for which I am most thankful..

I did have some real fun though a bit later! Arian offered to spar with me in the arena! on his word that he would not kill me. So I agreed and we went, and it was way fun, trying to keep my focus on him and swing the sword at the same time. It was also very good practice for me, to have a moving target to chase after. The sparring ended when I killed him. Unfortunately, I had to let him go (well, darn!) because a deal is a deal, after all! heheheh. But it was a splendid time, and I now have 2 kills and my skill level has increased :)

I'm still having trouble on the parapet, when it comes to the corners. At a walk I am fine, but at a run, I still fall off maybe 2-3 times of every 5. I am getting very frustrated with that. But I can now approach the wall and leap up onto it at a run, nice trick! it's just the corners that are so much trouble for me. I'm still running around the tents too, but that's getting kind of boring now that I have gotten the hang of it, but I still do it for the practice.

Speaking of Arian, yesterday we actually fought for real. He capped my best friend's sister and I had to fight with him for him to free her. I haven't written about it because it was kind of traumatic for me, but there is a positive side to this, which is why I'm writing this at all. Despite the fact that I lost the fight (well, duh! Arian has the highest skill for a fighter, I the lowest), due to the training I'd been doing it was not the complete disaster I thought it would be. I mean... I know I can't fight, and hated thinking I would make a fool of myself in front of all the people around watching. I assumed the fight woud be over in just a couple of minutes, and it was not... indeed, I did much better than I expected, and gave Arian a good fight before he capped me! Looking back, now, I am very pleased with how well I was able to defend myself, given the circumstances. What I need is practice... a tricky proposition here in Ireem, if I want to stay free and alive (I do!). A sparring partner would be ideal.

~Lady Elysa~

Close Encounters of the Arian Kind

In the last 2 days, I have barely escaped capture by Arian, not once, not twice, but three times! The first time he came almost out of nowhere, and I was startled and unprepared. He was on me before I knew it, and I had on time even to call for help. However, I had just been talking with Jason, and there were other knights around, and they fought him off while I made my escape, but it was a very close thing. Just a few hours later, he came to the knights camp where I was alone, practicing, and this time I was close enough to the city to get inside. Today though was the worst of all... I'd just come into Ireem and was making for the city gates, and he came across the desert. I saw him coming and RAN FOR IT! Fortunately I've learned a few tricks from my training with the knights, and was able to make it into the city, but my health was very poor, my pulse pounding!

Of course, matters are not helped that Mirna and I put out a bounty on him {{{grins}}} and when WongFei capped him, we turned Arian over to Damien for punishment. But since Arian had already been trying to cap us... word is, he even tried to trade a capped knight to the knights for us! ...we didn't have anything to lose, you know? But now he's even more determined, and seems to chase me on sight! I can tell you, I barely made it to the city in time today, that was a very, very close-run thing, and no rescuers in sight... although this time I did have time to call for help as I ran.

I need to train more. Hopefully soon I will be ready to start working with my sword... though I would never dare to face Arian in a fight... my best bet is to just run!

~Lady Elysa~

My first sparring!

I had my first sparring match today, out in the desert beyond the Knights' camp. I didn't do too badly, I capped my opponent, yeay! Of course, he didn't do too badly either, because he capped me at the same time! LOL. We were both at 0%! I was honestly very pleased with myself; I'd expected to be pretty bad at it, so it was nice to see I could at least hold my own (for a short time, at least). I've actually been able to master running around the tent; though the corners of the parapet still are a difficulty for me, even at a walk...but I'm getting very good at jumping back up onto the wall {{{laugh}}} I've been practicing using mouselook everywhere I go, and can now make a not too bad u-turn while at a run! Next Ringo wants me to run around the campfire... not so easy! But I'm not going to give up; I'd never have thought I could get as far as I have, in the short time (less than 24 hours), and if he can do it, so can I... with lots and lots and lots of practice, of course ;) heheheheh. It's quite exhilarating, too! I am starting to feel as if I at least have a miniscule chance at escaping, should I ever have someone coming after me (depends on who it's with, of course).

Oh, and I had my first real chase today! I made it to safety, just barely a breath ahead of the slaver pursuing me, and whoo, was my heart pounding! I can honestly say that I see the excitement that the chase holds for the slaves... but taken all in all, I do not want to be captured (or anything else) and I remain very glad to be a citizen in Ireem.

~Lady Elysa~

MIrna is home!

I am soooooooooooooo happy and relieved! I don't know who, or how; everyone (knights) had been gathered for a rescue, and I was ready to go in with them again, but so much time passed, and then a slaver showed up, and ...well, to be honest, I gave up in despair. I finally left the area by the slavers camp and was on my way home when I heard the news that she had been rescued. I rushed to the palace, where I was allowed the priviledge of being one of the few people allowed to see her. It was wonderful to know she was free, but even better to actually see her with my own eyes, I am so grateful. She was exhausted and careworn from her ordeal, but the Lady Kerri said she would be fine. I am happy now!

After Mirna lay down to rest, I went on home to do the same, able to sleep peacefullly for the first time in 2 days. I do not want to go through another 2 days like that! (I bet Mirna doesn't either!) When I awoke, I went to the knights' camp for news about the war (or any news, for that matter). I mentioned in passing to the knight Ringo that I wished I knew how to use my sword better. He instantly offered to show me some skills. My pathetic attempts should have made him laugh, but he was very kind, and he took me back to a basic skill I had been unaware of... Mouselook! So instead of swinging my sword, you may in the next few days see me walking circles around the tents in the camp, and walking the parapet. Ringo tells me that next I'll be running along the parapet. Uh-huh. Given my current attempts at walking along it, I venture to say that I'll be running it about, oh, say, the new year ;)

~Lady Elysa~

A busy week in the Palace

Wonderful things are coming to the Palace! This weekend I met with her Highness the Sultana, Lady Mirna and Lady Olivea to debate and plan the exciting changes. I have been drafting a notice to go out kingdom-wide calling for nobles, ambassadors, princes, princesses, foreign royals, and yes! we will be building the harem to entertain all these amazing people! Life in the palace will be as busy and interesting as life out in the desert (tho in a different way, of course).

On a less happy note, my very first friend in the Palace, Lady Mirna, has been captured, along with Lady Jordina, and held by the slavers. I am dreadfully unhappy, but of course there is nothing I can do but wait. I HATE waiting! I wish the knights and djinn would come together and st0rm the camp and free them...and I'd join in, too! Anything but sitting here, waiting and hoping, and crying so much for my friends, and completely helpless to DO anything :(

~A very unhappy Lady Elysa~